We are All Going to Die: A Review of a Fun but Depressing RPG

That about sums it up
There are some RPG's that only work with a well seasoned group; trained in the rules of the game and ready to wield them at their will. These players will certainly overcome any obstacle thrown at them. The single page RPG We are All Going to Die, is the other kind.

We are All Going to Die is probably the strangest RPG I have ever found. To being with, I found it while using StumbleUpon, and it is from a live Journal Post from 2005 by user Cavalron. If it still works, here is the link:


The premise of the game is that the GM creates a scenario: preferably something where everyone can easily be killed. Cavalorn suggests a Teenage Slasher Flick, Zombie Apocalypse, or anything with a high probability of killing everyone. It doesn't need to be too complex, just something quick and easy to fill a couple hours.

Quick and easy.
Your players then create characters accordingly. They name, and come up with some sort of back story for them and thenn pick four things they are good at, and 2 things they are bad at. The GM of course must approve all of this, as it is pretty fun for players to try and abuse. For example Dave tried to pass off being bad at his taxes as one of his two things. Needless to saythe GM vetoed it.

Then the GM randomly picks one of the players to be the survivor and keeps this a secret. This player will survive the game, every other player will die. And that's it you are now ready to begin.

There are no dice rolls, the GM simply decides each outcome based on the 4 things the players are good at, the two things they are bad at, and how logically each character acted in each situation. It is also up to the GM to deceive each player and mess with their minds. Players should always be questioning whether they survived a scenario because their actions made sense or if they were the survivor.

I recommend reading through the rules to get some more clarifications. It will only take a minute.

And you're back!
To test out this rule set, I recommended that JADE Guest DM Tom use it for his guest month game, and he was more than willing to give it a try! Rather than going the horror direction, Tom decided to create an action packed scenario where we would have to rob a gold mine. In no time flat we setup our four characters featuring: a get-away driver, a demolitions expert, a hacker, and a strong arm.

No minis though.
It took us a bit to get a hang of the system. Announcing what we were going to do, and more or less having it happen without any rolls or checks was hard to get used to for our group, and we stumbled over ourselves a bit until we got into the flow. It only took about a half hour before things were running smoothly, and during that time we planned out our heist.

To get onto the base, we were going to steal a van from the power company and show up to do routine maintenance. If we were met with any resistance we would just claim "there must have been some kind of mix up." Once in the base, we would disable the generators so as to cause a distraction, and then walk in and grab the gold.

Good plan everyone!
Stealing the power company's van was easy enough, so was actually getting down into the mine. The problem was that we had no idea where the generator was, much less where they were keeping the gold. So after some questions that almost got us kicked out, we figured out where to go and planned further from there. Dave and I went to the refinery, to gain access to the gold, while Jade Guest Adam and Jeff would go over to generator and cause a disturbance.

Moments later, after Jeff and Adam went down into the Generator room, the alarm started sounding. Adam had pushed the panic button causing the guards to surge all over the base. Using this distraction and the noise of the refinery, Dave and I stormed the smelting room, killing no less than 20 people in the process. It was brutal.

In the generator room, things had not gone as well for Adam and Jeff. The guards had killed Adam's character as he tried to hold them at bay by threatening them with C4. It was a bold choice that didn't pay off, but jeff on the other hand, ended up getting captured after he surrendered to the guards, and taken into one of the humvees.

Some times the best move is to give up.
Dave and I had managed to force our way into the refinery, just as Jeff escaped his captors, and slipped around the guards to join us. After securing the gold, we needed to find a way out, and the building was quickly being surrounded by guards.

We each considered suicide as our only recourse, until I had the idea to dress up as hostages and claim that our captors had done just that: Killed themselves seeing the hopeless situation. Shockingly it worked, and we were able to walk out of the refinery with the gold carefully hidden. We just needed to get out of of the mine.

Thinking quick we surprised two guards standing by a Humvee and made a daring escape up the winding ramp of the gold mine.

Brought to you Spike TV.
Dave lost his life during the chase (that involved other Humvees and a helicopter) after getting shot and bleeding out in the back seat.

With only Jeff and myself surviving we returned to our contact, only to have Jeff betray me in the end to keep all the money for himself! And with that our first game of We are All Going to Die was over.

We all had a lot of fun! And agreed we would defiantly try the rules again! After the game, everyone was chattering about bout how they would handle a game if they hosted it themselves. Personally I would Do Starship Trooper's the BAttle of Klendathu... But that's just me!

We are All Going to Die makes for a quick and dirty RPG session I recommend for any game with a larger group, or for just a bit of fun!

Thanks for writing and posting this game Cavalorn, whoever you are. You created a gem!

Written by: Andrew Gregory

We are All Going to Die: A Review of a Fun but Depressing RPG We are All Going to Die: A Review of a Fun but Depressing RPG Reviewed by JADE Gaming on 8/20/2015 01:54:00 pm Rating: 5

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